7.25.2008

realize

everything that i love about you
everything that is all but true in my heart
is not what i want to be
or what i want to be around
my heart aches
longs for your embrace.
but i want to push you away,
throw out the key
why?
i am not me.
around you
things i love are left forgotten.
i feel mistakes were made.
if i say i am sorry
i dont think it matters
its not a sorry
its a way of life
what i want and what i have
or will have is not that same.
i crave that thing we have.
but it only leads to my destruction.
i am comfortable.
playable. restless.
need a new way. new life.
you wouldnt get in the way,
but you are impedeing the progress
i am comfortable. not happy.
restless. not relaxed.
it kills me inside
i feel there was a lead on.
i feel like i saw it coming
i know what they say
i know how it works
there is always more than 1 way
if it has to be this way.
than let it be.
i will be gone, there will be nothing left.
loss. sorrow. no regrets.
it cant surface until it needs to.
forgive me my love
but i must let you go.
i cant hide it no longer.
there is more
but i cant let it bother me now..

7.14.2008


11:55 AM Tyrell: And she is online!
  OMG!
  I had concerns that you might have died.
 me: im at a family reunion
 Tyrell: Not really...
 me: uh why>
 Tyrell: On the dying part...
11:56 AM Well, you living in the buttcrack of hell and all...
  Never being online and all.
  You know.
  Well, it could be worse.
  You could live in Wyoming...
  Or worse yet...
  Kansas...
11:57 AM There is only ONE thing that could get me to move to Kansas...
  And that is if someone were to give me a Viper...
12:00 PM me: you would have to kill me in colorado and then drag me to kansas in order for me to be in kansas. even then i moght object of coure being dead and all would be a problem
12:01 PM and actually i like wyoming
  i would live there
 Tyrell: Parts of Wyoming are alright.
  On the other hand, parts of Colorado are nice...
 me: and um on some completely random note...
 Tyrell: Couldn't have chosen them, have you.
12:02 PM me: hav u ever heard of penn foster university
 Tyrell: Sounds vaugely familiar...
 me: online corrospondence college
 Tyrell: Um...
  There are lots of those.
12:03 PM me: yeah but it strictly corrosponcnece and u can get AA's to
12:04 PM Tyrell: Sounds cool...
 me: yeah she used
 Tyrell: You know, I think Aspen has a real school.
  I might visit aspen occasionally.
12:06 PM me: huh?
 Tyrell: Just listing parts of Colorado that don't suck...
  I am in a mood today.
  Yea.
12:07 PM By the way,
  I have decided to classify "Accross The Universe" as a 45 year old female Beetles fan's wet dream.
12:08 PM me: U WEIRD
 Tyrell: LOL...
  What? You disagree with that assessment?
  It was a chick flick, and it was an excuse to sing beatles songs.
12:09 PM That's about all it was...
  Oh, and it had to pick fun at Viettnam too.
  So she had to be 45 to 50ish.
12:10 PM Anyway...
  Lunch time.
 me: well vietnam was a horrile bad mess up
 Tyrell: Sure, it was. But using it as a path to a beetle's fan's chick flick was...
  Odd.
12:11 PM me: the beatles were against the war
 Tyrell: Were they?
 me: uh yeah
 Tyrell: I thought they had broken up by the time the war happened...
  Although...
  I wasn't there...
  So I wouldn't know.
12:12 PM me: sols dad and step mom re like beatles fanatics
  they told me all of this meaningless crap about them
12:13 PM Tyrell: My mom is trying to turn me into a beatles fan...
12:14 PM me: stay away
 Tyrell: SHe has bought me 3 of the movies (I have watched... NONE of them) and she talked me into downloading the discography.
  They sang a shit ton of music!
  Like...
  Untill my MP3 player crashed, over half my collection was Beetles...
 me: yeah i know i have all ofthere cds
 Tyrell: No mere mortal could listen to all of that.
12:15 PM me: it was a torrent download a while back
 Tyrell: I'm not sure how they WROTE all of that...
 me: i also have a record..Abbey road...
  uh they didnt
  most artists didnt
  and there early stuff sucked
12:16 PM Tyrell: I say nay... If the artist doesn't write it, they arn't an artist...
  LOL...
  Their early stuff did suck.
  And the post drug stuff sucked too.
 me: um how many artists have written all of there songs?
 Tyrell: It was only the middle that was alright.
  Beethoven did...
  HUGE beetoven fan here...
  And mozart...
12:17 PM He was great too.
 me: some of there post drug (which actually was post-india...long story) was good
  m like recent peopl
 Tyrell: LOL...
  OK, that's a bit tougher, of course.
12:18 PM me: and honestly we dont have a whole lot of proof on betoven or mozart
 Tyrell: It was some rant this girl went on once to me... That real artists write their own stuff...
  She was a Blue Turtle Seduction fan..
 me: who?
 Tyrell: And, in case you have never heard BTS, they are from Tahoe, and they suck.
12:19 PM me: lol
 Tyrell: I actually BOUGHT 3 of their albums...
  So I have 4 albums worth of suckiness...
  They don't have a genre...
 me: do they have a myspace?
 Tyrell: They are "Mountain Bluegrass Pop"
  They didn't 2 years ago...
  They might now.
  I guess they do.
12:21 PM LOL...
  Look at their influences...
  That explains it all.
  ANyway...
  Lunch...
I will go eat it.
  Talk to you later.
12:22 PM LOL