you know im depressed

when i have reduced my music tastes.... to only britney spears....



my thoughts...

I am pretty sure a lot of people will read this. I am pretty sure this wont be viewed lightly. But I need to say it, even if all of my blog posts are also posted on facebook, I will probably post this on myspace, because what the hell, everyone will see it anyways... I need to say these things, I have thought about not naming names, and have decided it is the best way to go about this. The information I want to tell this person should be done at the right time. I just need to get it off my chest now before I esplode.

There is someone I recently lost in my life, that I love. Not puppy love, not just friendship love. but love love. like the love I share for Tyrell. Tyrell knows who it is, is okay with it, and understands. I am in a lot of pain over this, the circumstances they left in wern't pretty. and I never did get to tell them how I felt, although I am pretty sure that it wouldn't have made a difference.

Life goes on slowly. I feel like a walking zombie although as much as I don't like to admit it, every day is getting better. I guess that's life. you press on and everything eventually, just works.

<3 Love to all.


Celebrity's die in 3's

"Celebrity's die in 3's."

My friend Michele murmured that to me yesterday, I didnt believe her. until this morning.

Farah Fawcett
Micheal Jackson
Ed McMohan

All died yesterday.

Everyone of them were influential somehow. (yes, even Micheal Jackson)

Every human life is the same in my mind. yes even the horrible ones. So when one life is lost. I always take the time to say, I will miss them.


Things are looking UP

as some of you may have known... things between me and tyrell have been... not so much fun. :(

But after ACTUALLY talking about the REAL issues, and going on a fantastic night out with eachother. I think (I KNOW) things are going to be wonderful.

on another sad note. my job has the most shittest hours EVER. I work like 11hours next week. for serious im going to need another job :(

on another plus side my summer class ends next Thursday!!! (and Im probably getting a high B)



i wonder

if he will even come home tonight...

Does he have any idea that he did cheat? what he did was just as bad.

Give him an inch he'll take a fucking million miles.


explain this

can someone explain why when ever he gets close to me I cant help but love him deeper, but if im away from him i hate myself, and him.


Summer School

So I decided to take a summer class, to get my English out of the way, and because I had to drop it last semester, I promised myself I would take it and pass it this summer. I am taking it at TMCC online. I am having an interesting time trying to juggle it and my social life. Fall semester is going to be interesting because I will NEVER see anyone. 5 classes?! what was I thinking?! I know I can do it, and I need to. Just like a lot of things in my life I am behind. I should be getting my Bachelors at least by now. FML. Oh well. I am doing it now. and thats all that matters. right? I feel bad blowing everyone off, but I need to do this, and it is so much harder now. It has been a good almost 5 years since Ive been a classroom. Really? that long?! Yea really...that long... And I am excited and scared at the same time, (the excitement is so overriding the scaryness though) I feel like I am embarking on a completely new adventure :)

PS: my cousin Gary got his first job :) and we are both in on a bet with my aunt and uncle to see who gets our drivers license first winner gets $5 :) I am so winning that money!


Twitter service blocked in China

"On Herdict, the global crowd-sourcing censorship-tracking website, people are reporting censorship of Twitter on networks all over China... with some people adding frustrated commentary, often including the f-word. You can also see blockage reports for Hotmail, Windows Live, Bing, Flickr, YouTube, Blogspot, etc.

Twitter users are expressing their anger by using the #fuckgfw hashtag on Twitter (gfw = "great firewall"), though the good folks at Twitter appear to be keeping this hashtag off their "trending" page - I assume due to the use of of obscenity. Perhaps people will switch to plain old #gfw, or something. (Update, people are now using both #caogfw - the Chinese translation of the f-word - and #gfw)"

Yes and China doesnt censor. It swears.

sometimes lyrics just do the trick...

"The Little Things"

The little things, you do to me are
Taking me over, I wanna show ya
Everything inside of me
Like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
My feet are stuck here, against the pavement
I wanna break free, I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes, get your attention
Before you pass me by

(back up, back up) take another chance,
Don't you (mess up, mess up) I don't wanna lose you
(wake up, wake up) this ain't just a thing that you
(give up, give up) don't you say that I'd be
Better off better off, sleeping by myself and wondering
If I'm better off better off, with out you boy

And every time, you notice me by
Holding me closely, and saying sweet things
I don't believe, that it could be
You speaking your mind and, saying the real thing
My feet have broke free, and I am leaving
I'm not gonna stand here, feeling lonely but
I don't regret it, and I won't think this
Was just a waste of time


Don't just leave, me, hanging on [repeat]

[Verse 1]

Don't just leave me hanging on


(back up, back up) take another chance,
Don't you (mess up, mess up) I don't wanna lose you
(wake up, wake up) this ain't just a thing that you
(give up, give up) don't you say that I'd be
Better off, better off sitting by myself & wondering (don't just leave me hanging on)
If I'm better off, better off without you boy (don't just leave me hanging on)

Don't just leave me hanging on [repeat 'til end]


I don't know what to do...

I don't know what to do...
I eternally love him. But something is telling me he is lying in one way or another about Bre. That really really bothers me. I am of course within full limits to just cut off their friendhip bit then it looks like I'm a controlling bitch and that's exactly what she's tying to prove I am... I also just personally don't belive in the whole forbidding of seeing friends thing.

The things she's says hurts I know he backs her up by feeding in but WHY?! argh this is so difficult I can't even pretend anymore that's it's okay I have a lot of stuff on my plate for reals this whole thing is turning into a crazy thing that I want no part of. I also and the worst of it is is that I see Tyrell getting hurt.

I'm on his phone typing this and the temptation to just cut it off is insane... Even to just text her get her away from him. She did drive him home tonight. But mostly I wanted him to say something to her instead of carrying this on. And at this point I really have no idea why he's continuing. It's not like him. He faking it so he can sleep with her ... That's really low. Really low. Then I think I'm with this man who is capable of this. Shit I'm going to get hurt to.... Arnt I? That is also a completely redundant question because I have already cried my self to sleep 3 times in the last week tonight will definitely be the 4th. This while thing was supposed to help us get closer not male me question why am I even here?