In honor

of this being 2 years since my divorce (woop woop!) In honor I have decided to post some past emails he has sent me. Just for shitz and giggles: Enjoy!

From: "S.J." <soliosis@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, Jul 13, 2010 10:32 am
Subject: THis is sol
To: <bravenewgirl85@gmail.com>

You need not ever add me, or respond to this messageI don't want you to respond. Just give yourself some time to read it all the way through, even piece by piece through a day here or there.

No matter what you would or ever could say, I know you will always feel incomplete without me at some level of your being. You will never be able to hide from it and you will never be able to get away from it going to anyone else. I have loved you more than anyone else ever could or ever will. You know it inside.  It doesn't mean I am better or worse than anyone else.

But there is only one solution for this hole you feel in yourself with me. It just seems like one solution really, but here is something needed to be said - We are not suppose to be together this lifetime and who knows maybe never again for this creation. There is something that you do need to do which all comes down to your own choice. Realize that it isn't about relationships at all really. Relationships can come and go. It is about enjoying life.

How are we suppose to enjoy life when it constantly seems so painful or unfulfilling at times? There is one solution which is hard to hear for a lot of us, but it isn't even hard really.  Many people have "created" many rules about it, which is spirituality. Spirituality isn't about being a monk. It is realizing we all have a special unique purpose. There isn't one religion to turn to because we are (created something that worked for us at that time) "the religions" (but it can be good to study from time to time to obtain some insight). 

The only true thing that can free the soul and bring an ultimate freedom is to find (It don't like the word we use for it) God in yourself. God is every where. God is all duality of life. 

Here is a thing to think about. Ask God any question.... Anything..
Why are you making things hard on me? 

Why me? Is there really a God? 
Am I just creating my reality every day? 
How can I calm my nerves? 
How can I find the ultimate peace? Or ultimate love of everything in the universe? 
Can I be connected to everything in the universe even now? Can I ever allow myself to surrender to god? 
Or must I always feel alone and have to do it all myself and not trust anyone? Is anything really ever permanent anyways? yada yada yada

Now you can ask God to show you things in your dreams before you go to bed, because I know you hated meditation. You could experience something profound, or nothing at all. If there isn't anything, then just means you probably really need to really "want" it. You have to want it enough, to be connected to spirit in some way. You are testing yourself.

Our emotions are like a ball of emotion and you may feel a rush when you throw it up, but it always comes down (and we never like the downs in life). Emotions and thoughts tend to be like waves. We create them all, so why would you hate any of your created emotions and thoughts?  Even about others or our self?

Something I have learned about problems - we create them, especially if we are creating our own universe we live in. So we can start saying and believing "there are no problems". We may just get a rush of problems to overcome our old beliefs.

You could dismiss this whole email, but there is somewhere in your intuition a whisper about it. We tend to reject a lot of things in lifeSpirituality is different for everyone, but the key is to be it and want it (and it doesn't mean you have to follow any one elses foot steps, but there have been others who have tools you could use). It is living it and allowing yourself to be free in yourself. You are god and you need to just sometimes to say "no matter what is happening in my life or how I respond, I love myself right now".

Anyways... Dismiss this whole email. Never listen to a word I say. Never ever miss me. Never love anyone. Never, Never, Never - lol But in the end it is great to find peace and a real true love in yourself (if the outside world is the illusion if the senses then why do we cling on to it so much?). Why are we addicted to what others say or how others feel about us. We may eventually see that perhaps they are another aspect of God in us.

If I would ever want anything for you it is that - Find true love and peace in yourself. It doesn't come easy but the more it is practiced the more you can feel it in yourself and possibly see it in reality.  We can then feel a Joy which we have forgotten we have. Why would God be anything but love for us all?  That's all I have wanted to say to you.

Love you much - everything changes every day (the only thing guaranteed in life is change),


msunny legend 
toAmber Johnston
dateWed, Nov 25, 2009 at 11:57 PM
subjectRe: Some of Your Stuff
hide details 11/25/2009

Only send the Pictures.  I don't want your unfaithful ring of shame or anything of yours.  It is a curse of yours for you only.  Cash in on it and throw the rest away.

You obviously have made all the most evil choices possible to me and karma will bite you when you least expect it and it will haunt you for the longest time to come.  Don't even try to pretend you care about anything or anyone.  You never loved me.

Don't ever write me again or send anything "ever" again.  Forever be gone you abomination.  You were never my soul mate.  I can't even believe I trusted you once. 

Shall you be filled with unfaithful companions that will ruin and destroy you and distort any children you ever conceive as punishment for this lifetime and more to come with every relationship that is not with me.  Until the time comes when you learn to really love and be faithful with the truth of God and overcome the karma of your previous lifetimes of illness, shame, and corruption - this shall stay in effect forever until that conclusion is reached.


toAmber Johnston
dateTue, Apr 21, 2009 at 8:21 AM
subjectA word of real advice
hide details 04/21/2009

Friends don't backstab or run away like you.  I met another girl just like you.  Its called not growing up and accepting the word you hate - responsibility.  You always had a "poor me" attitude in life and that is why you were so destructive with me.  Now you are with a guy who is even more of a wimp.  You couldn't handle being with the best guy ever so you picked second best... also you told Craig he makes 18 dollars an hour wooo hoo.... I make $30 now... but you are gone and can't enjoy it.

I may never forgive you.  WE will probably never have a chance again to be together "any" lifetime.  You FUCKED up way too many lifetimes for me.  Made me miserable for your "Stupid" reasons.  You just don't get it and never will.  This was your lifetime to really shine, but you didn't.  You are still the same heartless being you were before.  A fake smile for a superficial heart - that's why you like earth.  Just like your mom raised you.  Heaven is a place for people to learn to be real straight from the heart.  That's why you always rejected it.

So screw you this time.  I would care less if you died a miserable death - which you will.



fromAmber Johnston 
sender-timeSent at 12:39 PM (GMT-08:00). Current time there: 2:53 PM. 
dateTue, Feb 17, 2009 at 12:39 PM
subjectMichele please read ASAP. :)
hide details 02/17/2009
Below is the email I got from him. I also did some research on my own. He's wrong in his assumptions (duh) and it is what your status is on the final day of the year. So if we had the divorce on dec31 we would still file single. whatever. anyways I also found out the resons why he would file they way he did....he gets more money back. (go figure) and he gets to file HOH even though i was providing him all of his income for half of the year. (bastard) anyways, I have more legal ground to stand on than he does. So I am filing Single. I hope he gets auditted cause he's a dumb ass.
Also on another note, how dumb do you have to be to think that married filed separetly = file separatly after married ?!
 <3 amber

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: S.J. <soliosis@yahoo.com>
Date: Tue, Feb 17, 2009 at 11:27 AM
Subject: One last thing for your info
To: Amber Johnston <bravenewgirl85@gmail.com>


I got Craigs message.  You have to filed married filed separately.  I went to a Tax Professional about this.  We were together legally for more than 6 months last year.  If you want to survive an Audit you need to file it this way.  You will still get money back ... that is why it says - filed separately after married.



That last one cracks me up everytime: married filed separately = file separately after married ?! WTF are you smoking,,,,srsly.