You need not ever add me, or respond to this message. I don't want you to respond. Just give yourself some time to read it all the way through, even piece by piece through a day here or there.
No matter what you would or ever could say, I know you will always feel incomplete without me at some level of your being. You will never be able to hide from it and you will never be able to get away from it going to anyone else. I have loved you more than anyone else ever could or ever will. You know it inside. It doesn't mean I am better or worse than anyone else.
But there is only one solution for this hole you feel in yourself with me. It just seems like one solution really, but here is something needed to be said - We are not suppose to be together this lifetime and who knows maybe never again for this creation. There is something that you do need to do which all comes down to your own choice. Realize that it isn't about relationships at all really. Relationships can come and go. It is about enjoying life.
How are we suppose to enjoy life when it constantly seems so painful or unfulfilling at times? There is one solution which is hard to hear for a lot of us, but it isn't even hard really. Many people have "created" many rules about it, which is spirituality. Spirituality isn't about being a monk. It is realizing we all have a special unique purpose. There isn't one religion to turn to because we are (created something that worked for us at that time) "the religions" (but it can be good to study from time to time to obtain some insight).
The only true thing that can free the soul and bring an ultimate freedom is to find (It don't like the word we use for it) God in yourself. God is every where. God is all duality of life.
Here is a thing to think about. Ask God any question.... Anything..
Why are you making things hard on me?
Why me? Is there really a God?
Am I just creating my reality every day?
How can I calm my nerves?
How can I find the ultimate peace? Or ultimate love of everything in the universe?
Can I be connected to everything in the universe even now? Can I ever allow myself to surrender to god?
Or must I always feel alone and have to do it all myself and not trust anyone? Is anything really ever permanent anyways? yada yada yada
Now you can ask God to show you things in your dreams before you go to bed, because I know you hated meditation. You could experience something profound, or nothing at all. If there isn't anything, then just means you probably really need to really "want" it. You have to want it enough, to be connected to spirit in some way. You are testing yourself.
Our emotions are like a ball of emotion and you may feel a rush when you throw it up, but it always comes down (and we never like the downs in life). Emotions and thoughts tend to be like waves. We create them all, so why would you hate any of your created emotions and thoughts? Even about others or our self?
Something I have learned about problems - we create them, especially if we are creating our own universe we live in. So we can start saying and believing "there are no problems". We may just get a rush of problems to overcome our old beliefs.
You could dismiss this whole email, but there is somewhere in your intuition a whisper about it. We tend to reject a lot of things in life. Spirituality is different for everyone, but the key is to be it and want it (and it doesn't mean you have to follow any one elses foot steps, but there have been others who have tools you could use). It is living it and allowing yourself to be free in yourself. You are god and you need to just sometimes to say "no matter what is happening in my life or how I respond, I love myself right now".
Anyways... Dismiss this whole email. Never listen to a word I say. Never ever miss me. Never love anyone. Never, Never, Never - lol But in the end it is great to find peace and a real true love in yourself (if the outside world is the illusion if the senses then why do we cling on to it so much?). Why are we addicted to what others say or how others feel about us. We may eventually see that perhaps they are another aspect of God in us.
If I would ever want anything for you it is that - Find true love and peace in yourself. It doesn't come easy but the more it is practiced the more you can feel it in yourself and possibly see it in reality. We can then feel a Joy which we have forgotten we have. Why would God be anything but love for us all? That's all I have wanted to say to you.
Love you much - everything changes every day (the only thing guaranteed in life is change),
of this being 2 years since my divorce (woop woop!) In honor I have decided to post some past emails he has sent me. Just for shitz and giggles: Enjoy!