Fathers Day

If you know me well enough, you know my dad and I don't have a good relationship. It progressivly has gone down hill during the last few years and now, its non exsistent. I don't talk to my dad. If he called me I would talk to him. But I am tired of putting my hand out only to get bitten right back. He isn't a horrible father, in fact a lot of my memories with him are very pleasant. We just grew apart. People have asked me to "forgive him", what they don't understand is that it isn't at all about forgivness. I am not mad at him, actually its quite the oppisite. I feel sorry for him. I am sad about how my dads life is. But I can't fix it. Same as Susan, it is not my fault they are not happy. That's okay, I've come to terms with that. So, why don't I just talk to him? Because he hurts me. Not on purpose, of course. He hurts my heart, it tugs at my soul, this pain I feel whenever I talk to or have anything to do with him. I hurt. It is just emotionally and physically a huge toll on me. A toll that I do not need to take on. I know my dad loves me, and I love him. I wish there was an answer, or an easier route but this is what I got so I will take what I have. As for Fathers Day, yeah I admit, I try and ignore the holiday but it hurts just a bit to know that we stopped exchanging cards several years ago...and I can't send a card, or a note.

Then there is Tyrells dad Ed. I am actually sending him a letter from camp. Why? Because he picked up where my dad left off I am grateful he will soon be my father in law as well.

Lastly, my uncle Jim, you and Shirley do not realize how you have touched me with your love, caring and understanding, I feel like one of your own. And I cannot express how much this means to me.

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